


things change

by mysterytwin



Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Bonding, Gen, Swearing, and depression???, i need more of these two best friends looking out for each other, just two buds caring about each other, not really anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 13:56:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9388124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysterytwin/pseuds/mysterytwin
Summary: Jim knows that people leave and things change — but just this once, he’s hoping it won’t happen.





	

_Look at the destruction you’ve caused. Look at what you’ve done._

Jim’s eyes flutter open at the sound of the alarm beeping. It’s six in the morning, and he prints a recipe that’ll hopefully make his mom’s day. He races down the stairs to cook the meal, starting out slow and steady. It turns out fine at first; it’s easier to cut vegetables than it is to wield a sword. 

He can still feel the sword in his hands, dragging it across the ground as Jim takes a final strike at whatever monster he faces. He can still feel the exhaustion, the blood pumping through his chest, and the heavy breathing of his heart. He remembers the feeling of his knees ready to give way at any second and his eyes threatening to shut with every step he takes. He remembers those _red eyes_ —

Jim mutters out a curse as a new cut finds itself on his finger. It runs through the tip of his index finger along the start of his palm. It isn’t too bad, he’s faced worse, but it’s deep enough to bleed for a couple of minutes. He hasn’t cut himself with the knife in a long time. He wraps it in a bandage from the safety kit his mom keeps in one of the drawers. 

He finds himself staring at the knife wearily, and carefully places it with the others. That’s enough for today. His hands shake as he finishes up cooking, but he doesn’t know why. He’s not afraid or angry…just tired. 

_It’s your job. No matter how tired you get, you have to protect them._

He didn’t get a lot of sleep that night, either, so it makes sense that his hands were shaking. He knows his mom would never approve — she’s a doctor, after all. 

Jim carries the tray up to her room, planting a soft kiss on her forehead. His eyebrows furrow as he stares at her, hoping he didn’t hurt her too much when he left without warning. She thinks he just ran away for a couple of days, trying to get away when he really was in the Dark Lands, the most dangerous place in the planet. 

Jim sighs. He really should tell her, but…

_You wouldn’t want her to get hurt, would you? Look at Toby and Claire: you’ve hurt them simply by bringing them into this mess. Don’t hurt her._

The boy shuts his eyes for a brief second, then leaves. Some things are meant to be kept secrets — even if those things are too big for one sixteen year old kid to carry on his shoulders. He’d never felt how heavy the weight of the world was until he’d been threatened to give up. 

Jim works his way outside and to the garage. Toby is waiting for him, a bright smile meeting him with the sun glinting off each freckle on his cheeks. 

“Hey, Tobes,” Jim says as he puts on his helmet. He hands out a paper bag. “Here’s your lunch.”

_He may be smiling now—_

Toby takes it from him, inhaling the scent of the contents before grinning. “Have I ever told you that you’re the greatest cook I know?”

_—but you’ve hurt him far too much to pick up the glass shards of his mirror smile._

“You’re just saying that because you love bacon,” Jim counters, as a sudden weight pushes itself onto his heart. He doesn’t want to feel like this. He never asked for any of it. 

Toby’s eyes land on Jim’s hand. “What happened to your hand?”

He shrugs. “Just a cut from cooking.”

Toby eyes Jim carefully, looking for any signs of a lie. Then he settles when he realizes that Jim is telling the truth. “Does it hurt? Just take it easy, okay?”

“Of course,” Jim answers as he flinches slightly at the contact. 

Toby apologizes softly. 

“I just hope that the bacon is worth it,” he says. “And don’t try to flatter me, Tobes. I know you love bacon.”

“Yeah, well, it’s still true,” Toby answers as he circles around Jim on his bike. “You’re, like, the greatest person I know.”

_Don’t you mean the worst?_

Jim laughs softly at the irony of his best friend’s words. He starts to pedal. “How are you even saying that? I make a ton of mistakes everyday, Tobes.”

“But you’re the Trollhunter! You’re super badass all the time, you’ve got a really cool sword, and you get the girl of your dreams! Plus, you have an amazing best friend!”

“That last line I can agree with,” Jim says. “But the others? I think you need to get your eyes checked.”

“Oh, come on, Jim! You saved the world! That’s not so bad! Yeah, you may have tripped and fell flat on your face a couple of times, but none of those mean anything now that you’ve won,” he says. “You’re amazing, Jim. Just accept it.”

_You shouldn’t have brought them into this. Creatures are dead because of you — Aaarrrgghh is dead because of you. They’re hurt because you let them to fight your battles._

_What kind of hero are you?_

_You’re pathetic. You’re not as good as others think you are. You almost lost that fight. You can’t deny that. You were so close, if the others weren’t there to have your back, you would be gone. You would be dead without their help—_

“You’re wrong.” 

His fingers tighten around the handles, and he stops pedaling. Jim shuts his eyes and breathes in deeply. 

“Jim?”

Breathe in. Breathe out. 

“Jimbo?”

One. Two. Three. 

“James?”

“That’s not my name,” Jim says as his eyes snap open. “That’s my _father’s_ name. We’re not the same.”

_Oh, but you’ve hurt your mother, haven’t you? When you left, she was devastated. Isn’t that what your father did? You’re more alike than you think._

“I’m not like him,” he mutters. “I’m not.”

“No one says you are, Jim,” Toby says. He’s slow and weary when he says his name. “You’re my best friend and I know that you’re nothing like him. You’re a hero.”

He doesn’t speak for a moment. 

“I never asked to be one.”

His words come out in a soft whisper, an echo of the singular thought he’s had ever since he came from the Dark Lands. 

Toby’s arms fall to his sides and he inhales sharply. “You remember what Blinky said about destiny? It’s yours, Jim. And you’re doing pretty well at it. And if you ever need help, you know I’m always here, right?”

_You’re only going to hurt him even more if you accept. Don’t._

Jim smiles weakly as he places his feet back on the pedals, ready to get away. “Thanks, Toby.”

“Anything to help my main man feel better about himself,” Toby replies with a smile. The school bell rings in the distance and his eyes widen.

Jim nods. “Let’s get out of here.”

They make it to their first class just in time for the second bell, sliding into their seats as nonchalant as possible. Claire glances at them for a moment, passing a smile, before returning to her friends. 

Jim’s heart warms as it usually does. 

_You’re only going to hurt her. You may have brought her brother back, but you’re only going to cause her pain._

“Hey, Jim, can I borrow a pen?” Toby asks, leaning to his right. Jim passes him an extra one. “Thanks.”

Jim’s mind wanders off the moment the teacher (the name of Strickler’s new replacement slips away from his mind) starts lecturing about a war that happened more than five centuries ago. 

He replays scenes in his mind, what led up to everything and what would’ve happened had he not found the amulet. 

Maybe he would’ve been better off without it, maybe not. Things are too different to even try comparing. 

Jim looks at Toby and hopes that some things won’t change. If he’s lucky, things will stay the same. But he’s got abandonment in blood, like his father left his mother, and…maybe one day, Toby will leave him, too. 

He sighs and flips a page of his book, losing himself in whatever discussion the class is having. 

The rest of the day passes in a blur and Jim is glad to finally be able to rest at home. He’s finishing up on homework when his phone rings. 

“What’s up, Tobes?”

There’s soft breathing on the other end. A couple of seconds pass, and Toby sighs. 

“Jim,” he says. “I think I figured it out.”

“What?”

“I think I figured it out,” he repeats. “Now, don’t get mad—”

“What did you figure out?” Jim interrupts. 

“You,” Toby replies softly, but quickly. “I think I figured out why you’ve been so spaced out lately.”

“I haven’t been—”

“Yes,” Toby states. “You have been spacing out. And that thing this morning? With the cut on your hand? Jim, I know there’s something going on.”

“Tobes, I promise, I’m fine,” he tries to reassure his best friend, but it doesn’t work. 

“No, you’re not, Jimbo,” Toby replies. “Just listen to me, okay?”

It takes him a moment to consider it. “Okay.”

“Listen, I’m not the best at analyzing people, but I know when my best friend isn’t happy. You feel awful, right? Because you think you’ve been a horrible guy for letting us fight for you; that’s why you went into the Dark Lands. That’s why you were crazy and dumb enough to go alone,” Toby says. 

“But Jim, I know what feeling shitty feels like, too. And I’m going to be brutally honest with you, okay? You’re, like, this cool guy who gets chosen to defend mankind and trolls. You get a sword and armor and everything!” Toby exclaims. His voice turns soft at the next words. “And all I’ve got are weight problems, Jim. That’s all I have. So of course I know how you feel. It may be in a different and deeper way, but I get it. Sort of.”

“Toby—”

“And I just want you to know that you’re not alone. Trollhunters is plural, not singular. I got your back like a butt crack, Jimbo. I promise.”

Jim doesn’t say anything, suddenly at a loss for words. He blinks a couple of times before remembering what words are. 

“I…” he trails. “Thanks, Toby. Man, you really are the best. And…I’ve got your back, too. You’re awesome on your own, too. So don’t you _ever_ feel shitty about who you are, okay? You can do things I can’t and I think that I’d rather die than not have you by my side. You’re cool, too. Crispy, even.”

Toby waves from the window, grinning. “Jim, I appreciate it, really, I do, but never say the word ‘crispy’ in front of me ever again.”

“Sure,” Jim says as he chuckles softly. “I got your back, Toby.”

“And I’ve got yours. Good night, Jim,” Toby says with a yawn at the end. 

“Good night, Tobes.”

_Maybe some things won’t change._

**Author's Note:**

> hmu at superishs.tumblr.com!!


End file.
